New Year?

Really? Already?

I barely remember Thanksgiving. Or Chanukah/Christmas.  It sort of all blurred together.

Most New Year’s past I had some grand scheme for how the Eve party would be fantastic and wonderful.  Sometimes it was, most times it wasn’t.  Then for the new year – Oh! How great it would be!  I’d lose weight, conquer my wardrobe, finally figure out how to do my hair, earn a ton of money…. all manner of fabulous plans for improvement on my life.

Last New Year’s set my fiancee’ and me out on the weight loss track towards our November wedding.

To celebrate, we took our very first “Fat Pictures” – he and I, individually standing with a expression only those who have been humiliated-in-a-bathing-suit can conjure.  Stand front. *Flash*  Stand side. *Flash* Turn around so I can see your cellulite and droopyness. *Flash*

Throughout 2008, Brett and I would take more rounds of Fat Pictures and marvel at our progress.

I mean, we would marvel at Brett’s progress and, um, Look at the space where my progress should have been.  My pictures actually lacked that “progress” angle, because after our very first Fat shoot, I Gained weight instead of toning and tightening.  So when it came for the next round of pictures – I did everything I could to avoid that camera.  I didn’t want to document my un-progress.

Then Brett started on Nutrisystem, at which I raised my nose in deference to my newly adopted “clean eating” effort.  Note to readers: “Clean” does not equal “low fat” or “diet”.  It also does not equal “quick and easy to prepare”, “easy clean up” or “cheap”.

So while Brett was happily munching on delicious looking BBQ from a delightfully little plastic plate, I was chopping, grating, stirring, cooking, and of course – dishwashing dishwashing dishwashing.  And gaining.

My superior new “healthy” lifestyle came with a nice helping of self-rightous belly jiggle.  Hooray.

So one day Brett offered me an entire week of his Nutrisystem food.  No pressure, no catch.  Just try it in all of it’s pre-packaged, mini-portioned glory.  See if you like it.

So I tried it.

The first day on Nutrisystem, I craved candy. Any candy. Sweet coffee would have sufficed but the bowl of M&M’s on my co-workers desk had a significantly louder siren call.  Faithful to my nutri-effort,  I resisted and alas I made it through my work day un-junk-fooded.  When I got home and cravings hit again it was painful. I reasoned with myself. I waited.  I ate fruit and vegetables.  I complained.  And eventually, I made it to the end of the day.

The second day wasn’t as hard as the first day.   Thankfully, the third not as hard as the day before.

Soon I was reveling in my growing will-power and smugly denying all manner of sweet indulgences in favor of my new “wedding diet”.

And it worked. I lost the six pounds I set out for and since I had months to go, I figured I’d keep going! Why not!

I lost another pound, and another… and soon I had lost a grand total of 12 pounds off my 5’10” frame.  That may not sound like much, but to any bride-t0-be expecting to spend10 hours in a white corsetted dress while being photographed from every angle, any extra pound counts.

So I lost the weight,  and I got one fabulous, if slightly blurry,  photo of myself in a bikini on the beach on my honeymoon.  I love that picture.

And it’s a good thing I have it, because 2 months later and at the beginning of a new year – I’ve gained back six of those original twelve pounds.

Let the fat pictures begin!

Lots of hard work = Bikini in Jamaica!

Lots of hard work = Bikini in Jamaica!


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